Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Quote for the Day

“All I have in this world is my balls and my word, and I don’t break 'em for no one.”

- Alphonse "Al" Capone (1899-1947)

1930



Tuesday Trivia: Rainbows and Spectrums

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Warning: risque language included

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The gay community and Pink Floyd owe a lot to Sir Isaac Newton (1642-1726).

He is responsible for our modern understanding of light and colour, having been the first to separate white light into its component colours of red, orange, yellow, green, blue and violet. Until Newton's displays, the thinking had been that colours represented the amount of dark that was added to light. Newton showed, by use of a prism, that white light was made up of the above spectrum colours and that light alone was responsible for colour. 



He published the results of his investigations in 1672, including a conceptual arrangement of colours around the circumference of a circle, which allowed the painters’ primaries (red, yellow, blue) to be arranged opposite their complementary colours (e.g. red opposite green), as a way of denoting that each complementary would enhance the other’s effect through optical contrast. This was the first colour wheel.


And the gay community and Pink Floyd? . . .

Pink Floyd’s album cover for The Dark Side of the Moon

The Rainbow Flag, commonly called the gay pride flag and LGBT pride flag, has been a symbol of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) pride and LGBT social movements, since 1978.. 

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Btw, the Pink Floyd spectrum colours on the cover continue to the inside as a band of rainbow light with a visual depiction of the sound of a heartbeat, then continues to the back of the cover where another prism recombines the colours:



* * * * * * * * * *

AUNT EM:
Now, you just help us out today, and find yourself a place where you won't get into any trouble.

DOROTHY:
Some place where there isn't any trouble.

Do you suppose there is such a place, Toto?

There must be. It's not a place you can get to by a boat or a train. It's far, far away -- behind the moon -- beyond the rain --

(sings)
Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high,
There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow, from the Wizard of Oz, became Judy Garland’s signature song and an enduring standard of the 20th century. It is surprising, then, that it was almost bumped from the film. MGM chief executive Louis B. Mayer and producer Mervyn LeRoy thought it "slowed down the picture" and that "the song sounds like something for Jeanette MacDonald, not for a little girl singing in a barnyard." Associate producer Arthur Freed and Garland's vocal coach/mentor Roger Edens agitated to keep it in and the rest is history.


* * * * * * * * * *
A rainbow is actually a full circle.

We usually only see the half arc of it due to our positioning in respect to it; if you were to be positioned higher up (such as on a tall building or an airplane) then you could view it's actual full circle. 

So in reality there is no end to a rainbow, just as there is no end to a circle. 

* * * * * * * * * *
The rainbow has a place in legend owing to its beauty and the historical difficulty in explaining the phenomenon.

  • In Greco-Roman mythology the rainbow was considered to be a path made by a messenger (Iris) between Earth and Heaven.

  • In Chinese mythology, the rainbow was a slit in the sky sealed by goddess Nüwa using stones of five different colours.

  • In Hindu religion, the rainbow is the bow of Indra, the god of lightning, thunder and rain.

  • In Armenian mythology the rainbow is a belt of Tir, a Sun god.

  • In Norse Mythology, a rainbow called the Bifröst Bridge connects the realms of Ásgard and Midgard, homes of the gods and humans, respectively.

  • The Irish leprechaun's secret hiding place for his pot of gold is usually said to be at the end of the rainbow. This place is impossible to reach, because the rainbow is an optical effect which depends on the location of the viewer. When walking towards the end of a rainbow, it will appear to "move" further away.

  • In the Epic of Gilgamesh the rainbow is the "jewelled necklace of the Great Mother Ishtar" that she lifts into the sky as a promise that she "will never forget these days of the great flood" that destroyed her children. 

  • According to Genesis, after Noah's flood God put the rainbow in the sky as the sign of His promise that He would never again destroy the earth with flood (Genesis 9:13–17).

Why there are no unicorns today.

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. . . and an item I have posted previously . . .


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Monday, August 3, 2015

Quote for the Day


Cicero (106 BC – 43 BC) was a Roman philosopher, politician, lawyer, orator, politica theorist, consul and constitutionalist. He came from a wealthy municipal family of the Roman equestrian order, and is widely considered one of Rome's greatest orators and prose stylists.

Monday Miscellany: Odds, Ends and Personals

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From Graham in respect of Guedelon Castle, featured in the BBC series Secrets of the Castle:
Glad you enjoyed the series, it was the 7th in a series by the BBC, the site’s website is www.guedelon.fr/en/
Past series were similar in that they recreated the time and manner that things were achieved. 
The series were:
  • Tales from the Green Valley: 12 parts, first shown on BBC Two in autumn 2005, it follows historians and archaeologists as they recreate farm life from the age of the Stuarts. 
  • Victorian Farm: 6 parts, first shown on BBC Two in January 2009, it recreates everyday life on a small farm in Shropshire in the mid-19th century 
  • Victorian Pharmacy: 4 parts, first shown on BBC Two in July 2010, it looks at life in the 19th Century and how people attempted to cure common ailments. 
  • Edwardian Farm: 12 parts, first shown on BBC Two from November 2010 to January 2011, it depicts a group of historians running a farm like it was done during the Edwardian era. 
  • Wartime Farm: 9 parts, first shown on BBC Two on 6 September 2012, it recreates the running of a farm during the Second World War. 
  • Tudor Monastery Farm: 6 parts, first shown on BBC Two in November and December 2013, it shows what farming was like during the Tudor period. 

Cheers
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From Leo in response to the same post:

Otto, 
I don't see the point in wasting all this time in the modern day era unless people think that Mad Max is going to happen and we have to go back to basics. A mate of mine has bought a farm simply on that premise. 
But you made me remember that during my travels last year, I think it was in North Eastern France like Amiens, Lille or one of those WW1 French towns, that I went into a cathedral to stay warm and read the history of the construction of the cathedral. It was actually built by a person with no experience in anything and took basically his entire life and the equivalent of millions of dollars in today’s terms. I remember that they had put the roof on and he went in one night to look at his marvellous creation and heard a sagging-like noise which he didn't understand or know where it was coming from. In the middle of the night he climbed up the wall of the cathedral to the ceiling and sat there listening to the noise and realised that the roof and walls were separating and that the roof would probably fall in on the inside of the church at any time. 
He was devastated and didn't know what to do. He then came up with the idea of buttressing and of course that delayed the construction another 5 to 10 years while they had to buttress the whole cathedral. That cathedral still stands. 
A side story to that, and I hope I'm not mixing up my cathedrals. (As my father used to say: “Just ABC” which stood for “another bloody cathedral”, or “another bloody church” et cetera, when he was taken around Europe by my very Catholic mother to look at God's works.) 
Was that the Bishop / Cardinal (???) was a baddie and tried to have my bloke murdered, discredited etc etc etc because my bloke was using up all the money that he wanted, and after all sorts of scandals, he was exposed and ran up to the top of the cathedral and jumped off the scaffolding much to the delight of the peasants. I will look at my diary to see if I recorded it to find out where it was for you.

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Another from Graham:

ARAPROSDOKIANS are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected . 

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. 

2. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 

3. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. 

4. War does not determine who is right - only who is left. 

5 Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 

6. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't. 

7. To steal ideas from someone is plagiarism. To steal from many is called research. 

8. In filling in an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.' 

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. 

10. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they look sexy. 

11. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. 

12. A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory. 

13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure. 

14. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Nor is there any future in it. 

15. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 

16. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car. 

17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now. 

18. I am not arguing with you, I am explaining why you are wrong .

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Cilla Black (1943-2015) died yesterday at her home in Spain aged 72, death being believed to be from natural causes. 

A young Cilla snapped at rehearsals for 'Thank Your Lucky Stars' with Billy J. Kramer and the Dakotas, Gerry and the Pacemakers, The Searchers and The Beatles.

Born Priscilla Maria veronica White, she adopted the name Cilla Black after being mistakenly named that in a review and found that she liked it better. Her career was championed by the Beatles, as a result of which she signed with Brian Epstein in 1963 and worked with George Martin. Her singles "Anyone Who Had a Heart" (1964) and "You're My World" (1964) both reached number one. Black had eleven Top Ten hits on the British charts between 1964 and 1971. Both songs were among the chart-toppers in Australia. Her later career included hosting her own variety show, Cilla, for the BBC between 1968 and 1976 and being a television presenter in the 1980s and 1990s, hosting hit entertainment shows such as Blind Date (1985–2003) and Surprise Surprise (1984–2001).

Cilla weds her then manager, Brian Willis, in 1960.  She was married to him until his death of cancer in 1999.

RIP Cilla.



Sunday, August 2, 2015

Quote for the Day

Actually, talking of style, I had a fairy tale wedding myself. Although, mine was Grimm.” 

- Bill Nighy as Douglas, Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel



Conan Doyle and the Fairies


Yesterday I posted Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s quote that if he was only remembered in 100 years as the man who invented Sherlock Holmes, then he would consider his life a failure. I commented that Doyle iss not only so remembered, he is also known as the man who believed in the Cottingley fairies.

For those who have never heard of the Cottingley fairies and the involvement of Sir Arthur, here is a brief rundown.

The first photographs:

Once upon a time (well, this is a fairy story) there lived two girls who were cousins, Frances and Elsie. Frances had come to England from South Africa in 1917 when she was ten, because her father was fighting in the war. Frances and her mother stayed with her mother’s sister Polly Wright and her husband Arthur Wright in Cottingley in West Yorkshire, where Frances became friends with their daughter, her cousin, Elsie, who was then aged 13.

Frances, 1920

Elsie, 1915

The two girls often played beside the stream at the bottom of the garden, the Wrights having a large garden. In July 1917 they asked to borrow Arthur’s camera to take a photo of the fairies with which they had been playing. Arthur was a keen amateur photographer and agreed, not taking them seriously, and showed them how to use the camera.

Later that day they returned the camera and said that the shoot was successful. Arthur developed the plate in his darkroom and found that it was indeed a photo containing fairies. It showed four fairies dancing in front of Frances. The girls later described the colouring of the fairies as shades of green, lavender and mauve, most marked in the wings and fading to almost pure white in the limbs and drapery.

Photo 1, 1917

Arthur was aware that his daughter Elsie had artistic ability and that she had worked in a photographic studio. He dismissed the photo as a prank with cardboard cutouts. Nonetheless two months later, in September 1917, the girls borrowed the camera again and produced a photograph of Frances holding her hand out to a 30cm winged gnome.


Arthur had had enough of their pranks and was concerned that they may have harmed his camera. He banned them from future use.

Polly, Elsie’s mother, was not of the same opinion. Polly believed in the supernatural and, in 1919 when she attended a meeting of the Theosophical Society in Bradford where the lecture was on “Fairy Life”, she showed the photographs taken by the girls. From there they were shown to the speaker, Edward Gardner, who asked photographer Harold Snelling to examine them. He declared that they were "genuine unfaked photographs of single exposure, open-air work, show movement in all the fairy figures, and there is no trace whatever of studio work involving card or paper models, dark backgrounds, painted figures, etc." He did not declare the fairies real, saying only that "these are straight forward photographs of whatever was in front of the camera at the time".

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle:

The photographs became more widely circulated within the British spiritualist community, Gardner using them to illustrate his talks and selling prints at meetings. The photographs then came to the attention of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, a fervent and committed spiritualist, who established their origin and then wrote to the girls encouraging them to take more photographs of the fairies.

At the same time, Gardner and Doyle sought further opinions on whether the photographs were genuine or fakes. Kodak agreed with Snelling that the photographs did not appear to be faked but declined to give a certificate of authenticity. One examining technician was alleged to have observed that since fairies aren’t true, the photographs must not be true, causing Gardner to allege bias. Ilford examined the photographs and declared that there was evidence of faking. Doyle and Gardner both elected to regard the photographs as real.

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle


More photographs:

In 1920, at Doyle’s urging, the girls took three more photographs. The camera and plates were given to them by Gardner who also instructed in the use thereof.

Photo 3, 1920: Frances and the leaping fairy

Photo 4, 1920: Fairy offering a posy to Elsie

Photo 5, 1920: Fairies and their Sun-Bath

The plates were sent to Gardner who had them printed. He sent copies to Doyle, who was on a lecture tour in Australia. Doyle wrote back:
“My heart was gladdened when out here in far Australia I had your note and the three wonderful pictures which are confirmatory of our published results. When our fairies are admitted other psychic phenomena will find a more ready acceptance ... We have had continued messages at seances for some time that a visible sign was coming through.”

Publicity:

In December 1920 Doyle wrote an article for The Strand magazine and used the 1917 photographs, giving Frances and Elsie other names, along with their families, to protect their identities. This brought the fairy photographs to the attention of the public. Doyle felt that if the public accepted the existence of fairies, they might also more readily accept other psychic phenomena:
“The recognition of their existence will jolt the material twentieth century mind out of its heavy ruts in the mud, and will make it admit that there is a glamour and mystery to life. Having discovered this, the world will not find it so difficult to accept that spiritual message supported by physical facts which has already been put before it.”
Reactions were either that the photographs genuinely depicted fairies or that they were fake.

The historical novelist and poet Maurice Hewlett declared ".. knowing children, and knowing that Sir Arthur Conan Doyle has legs, I decide that the [girls] have pulled one of them." 

he Sydney newspaper Truth on 5 January 1921 stated "For the true explanation of these fairy photographs what is wanted is not a knowledge of occult phenomena but a knowledge of children."

Many noted and public figures declared publicly that they believed the fairies to be real. In 1921 Doyle published a second article in The Strand, using the 1920 photographs for illustration as well as describing other fairy sightings. The article formed the foundation for his 1922 book The Coming of the Fairies.



Skeptics:

There were numerous skeptics, some of the photographic points raised being:

· Why do the fairies look like bits of paper?

· In the first photo why is Frances not looking at the fairies? (The girls claimed they were so used to the fairies that they often paid them no attention.) 

· Also in the first photograph, why does the second fairy from the left not have wings? 

· In the second photo, why is Elsie's hand bizarrely elongated? (Frances attributed this to "camera slant.") 

· In the fourth photo, why is the fairy dressed in the latest French fashions?

· Why do the fairies have modern Parisian hairstyles?

According to the Museum of Hoaxes:

Despite these problems, the photos continued to attract believers. Much of this belief might be attributed to the context of the times. By the end of World War One the English were emotionally bruised and battered by four years of unrelenting bloodshed. They seemed to be in need of something that would reaffirm their belief in goodness and innocence. They found this reaffirmation in the fairy photographs of Frances and Elsie. 
http://hoaxes.org/photo_database/image/the_cottingley_fairies/

Later years:

After 1921 interest in the Cottingley fairies subsided. 

The girls married and lived abroad, occasionally being interviewed but declaring that if the fairies were not real, they (the girls) had succeeded in photographing what was in their minds.

In 1978 James Randi, famous magician, skeptic and debunker of alleged paranormal phenomenon, noted the similarity between the fairies in the photographs and the figures in a 1915 children's book called Princess Mary's Gift Book.

See James Randi speak about the fraud and Elsie’s comments at:

Randi also pointed out that the camera had to be held open for 10 seconds to take the photographs, hence the blurred waterfall in Photo 1, yet the fluttering wings of the fairies are in sharp definition, consistent with no movement.

This would also account for the elongated hand in Photo 2, that Frances had moved her hand during the long exposure.

Fairy figures in Princess Mary's Gift Book

Side-by-side comparison of the figures in Princess Mary's Gift Book and the fairies in the first Cottingley fairy photo.

In 1981 Elsie admitted that she had copied the drawings from Princess Mary’s Gift Book, had cut them out and held them in place with hatpins.

In a 1985 interview, Elsie said that she and Frances were too embarrassed to admit the truth after fooling Doyle, the author of Sherlock Holmes: "Two village kids and a brilliant man like Conan Doyle – well, we could only keep quiet." In the same interview Frances said: "I never even thought of it as being a fraud – it was just Elsie and I having a bit of fun and I can't understand to this day why they were taken in – they wanted to be taken in." 

In the second photo, being of Elsie and the gnome, the tip of a hatpin can actually be seen in the middle of the creature. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle had seen this dot. The inventor of Sherlock Holmes and the author of Holme’s deductions, analyses and ability to unravel mysteries, had interpreted the dot on the gnome's stomach as the creature's belly button, leading him to argue that fairies give birth just like humans.


Saturday, August 1, 2015

Quote for the Day

“If in 100 years I am only known as the man who invented Sherlock Holmes then I will have considered my life a failure.”

- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (1859-1930)


Scottish writer and physician. 
 It is not correct that he is remembered today only as being the creator of Sherlock Holmes. People also recall that he believed in the Cottingsley Fairies.


Song Spot: Anything Goes


Ever since this song became popular, it has been used by each succeeding generation as a lament for the moral decay of society, the lowering of standards and decency. O tempore! O mores!


The song "Anything Goes"is from the 1934 Cole Porter musical iof the same name, which will be playing at the Sydney Opera House between 5 September and 31 October 2015. Todd McKenney is in it as well as some other familiar names: Carmen Duncan and Gerry Connolly. Caroline O’Connor plays the lead and reviews say that she is a knockout.

Film clips:

Frank Sinatra:

Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga (duet):

Original version from the 1930’s:

Opening credits of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, in Mandarin:

Lyrics:

Written in the Great Depression years, the original lyrics feature references to figures and scandals of the time. The version sung today is the 1955 Frank Sinatra recorded version, which was adopted by Tony Bennett in his 1959 recording.

Original lyrics:

Times have changed
And we've often rewound the clock
Since the Puritans got a shock
When they landed on Plymouth Rock.
If today
Any shock they should try to stem
'Stead of landing on Plymouth Rock,
Plymouth Rock would land on them.

Refrain 1

In olden days, a glimpse of stocking
Was looked on as something shocking.
But now, God knows,
Anything goes.
Good authors too who once knew better words
Now only use four-letter words
Writing prose.
Anything goes.
If driving fast cars you like,
If low bars you like,
If old hymns you like,
If bare limbs you like,
If Mae West you like,
Or me undressed you like,
Why, nobody will oppose.
When ev'ry night the set that's smart is in-
Truding in nudist parties in
Studios.
Anything goes.

Refrain 2

When Missus Ned McLean (God bless her)
Can get Russian reds to "yes" her,
Then I suppose
Anything goes.
When Rockefeller still can hoard en-
Ough money to let Max Gordon
Produce his shows,
Anything goes.
The world has gone mad today
And good's bad today,
And black's white today,
And day's night today,
And that gent today
You gave a cent today
Once had several chateaux.
When folks who still can ride in jitneys
Find out Vanderbilts and Whitneys
Lack baby clo'es,
Anything goes.

Refrain 3

If Sam Goldwyn can with great conviction
Instruct Anna Sten in diction,
Then Anna shows
Anything goes.
When you hear that Lady Mendl standing up
Now turns a handspring landing up-
On her toes,
Anything goes.
Just think of those shocks you've got
And those knocks you've got
And those blues you've got
From that news you've got
And those pains you've got
(If any brains you've got)
From those little radios.
So Missus R., with all her trimmin's,
Can broadcast a bed from Simmons
'Cause Franklin knows
Anything goes.

Modern lyrics:

In olden days a glimpse of stocking
Was looked on as something shocking
Now heaven knows, anything goes

Good authors too who once knew better words
Now only use four letter words writing prose, anything goes

The world has gone mad today and good's bad today
And black's white today and day's night today
When most guys today that women prize today
Are just silly gigolos

So though I'm not a great romancer
I know that you're bound to answer
When I propose, anything goes

In olden days a glimpse of stocking
Was looked on as something shocking
Now heaven knows, anything goes

And good authors too who once knew better words
Now only use four letter words writing prose
'Cause anything goes

The world has gone mad today and good's bad today
And black's white today and day's night today
When most guys today that women prize today
Are just silly gigolos

So though I'm not a great romancer
I know that you're bound to answer
When I propose, anything goes

May I say before this record spins to a close
I want you to know anything goes

Some of the dated references:

When ev'ry night the set that's smart is in-
Truding in nudist parties in
Studios.

There was a belief, perhaps factual, that Hollywood was engaging in debauchery of all kinds, including nudist parties.

Nudism had begun in Germany during the early 20th century as a "get back to nature" sort of thing. It had crossed the Atlantic by the 1930’s but in the context of the above it refers to the movie studios and the reputed sex parties of the movie studios.

When Missus Ned McLean (God bless her)
Can get Russian reds to "yes" her,
Then I suppose
Anything goes.

Refers to Evalyn Walsh McLean, the wife of Edward Beale “Ned” McLean (owner of The Washington Post and The Cincinnati Enquirer), and her highly publicized trip to the then-newly formed Russian Soviet Federative Socialist Republic (a precursor to the USSR). “Reds” refers to communists.


When Rockefeller still can hoard en-
Ough money to let Max Gordon
Produce his shows,

The Rockefeller family was an American industrial, political, and banking family that made one of the world's largest fortunes in the oil business during the late 19th and early 20th centuries, with John D. Rockefeller and his brother William Rockefeller primarily through Standard Oil

Max Gordon was an American theatre and film producer who became one of New York's most successful producers in Depression-era New York.

John D Rockefeller financed the Broadway productions of Max Gordon, the latter believing that people were tired of the hardships imposed by the Depression and wanted to see extravagant hows.

Gordon’s popularity declined in the 1930’s.

Max Gordon

John D Rockefeller

When folks who still can ride in jitneys
Find out Vanderbilts and Whitneys
Lack baby clo'es,
Anything goes.

Jitneys were share taxis and also unlicensed taxis, jitney being slang for a nickel.

The Great Depression saw the financial ruin of some individuals who had once held fortunes. Even exorbitantly wealthy families like the four-hundred-year old Whitney dynasty and the family of railroad tycoon Cornelius Vanderbilt fell on hard times.

If Sam Goldwyn can with great conviction
Instruct Anna Sten in diction,
Then Anna shows
Anything goes.

Movie producer Sam Goldwyn's notorious box-office failure Nanah featured a star, Anna Sten, whose English was said to be incomprehensible to all except Goldwyn, who came from the same part of Europe (though, in fact, Goldwyn was from Poland and Sten Ukraine).

Sam Goldwyn


When you hear that Lady Mendl standing up
Now turns a handspring landing up-
On her toes,
Anything goes.

Elsie de Wolfe, popularly known as Lady Mendl, was a pioneer in the field of interior design. By the 1930s she was over 70-years-old, but she continued to perform cartwheels and handstands in public, generating controversy.


So Missus R., with all her trimmin's,
Can broadcast a bed from Simmons
'Cause Franklin knows
Anything goes.

First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt, wife of Franklin Roosevelt, also wrote a monthly question-and-answer column for the Ladies Home Journal and McCall's, and had a weekly radio show sponsored by a mattress company, among others. She was the first Presidential wife to become a major media figure.


By the way, here is a glimpse of stocking to finish off . . . 


Note the advice, ladies.


Friday, July 31, 2015

Quote for the day

"I sits among the cabbages and leeks."

- Marie Lloyd (1870-1922)


A stage performer known for her innuendo and double meaning songs, she changed a lyric to the above after outraged moralists objected to the original "I sits among the cabbages and peas."


Funny Friday


Today's theme: Adam and Eve, insofar as the "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" quote came up at work during the week . . .


* * * * * * * * * *
Adam was roaming around the Garden of Eden making up names for all the animals that were there. He also noticed that there were two kinds of each species - male and female. And he also noticed that most of the animals were mating and seemed to be enjoying this very much. So, he went to his special place and called out in a loud voice, "Hey, God!". And a loud booming voice replied, "Yes, Adam".

Adam: "Hey, God - There's an awful lot of animals down here."

God: "Yes, Adam - I have created many species and I trust you have not run out of names for them."

Adam: "No, that's not the problem. But, I have noticed that there are two kinds of each species."

God: "Yes, Adam. One kind is male and the other is female."

Adam: "Hey, God - why is there a male and a female of each species ?"

God: "So they can mate and procreate. This will ensure the continuation of the species."

Adam: "Hey, God."

God: (sigh) "Yes, Adam."

Adam: "Which am I?"

God: "You, Adam, are a male."

Adam: "Hey, God, I've noticed that most of the animals are mating --- and they seem to be really enjoying themselves. If it isn't too much trouble, do you think...maybe,....I could..."

God: "All right, Adam. The time has come for me to provide you with a mate. Go lie down and when you have fallen asleep, I will create your mate."

So, Adam leaves his special place, finds a patch of soft grass under a tree, lies down, and falls asleep. Some time later he awakes (possibly due to a slight pain in his side) and heads immediately to his special place.

Adam: "Hey, God."

God: "Yes, Adam."

Adam:"Hey, God - did you remember to do what you promised ?"

God: "Yes, Adam. While you were sleeping I created for you a mate. Her name is Eve. You will find her in the bushes near the place where you were sleeping."

Adam rushes off to find Eve in the bushes. A few minutes later he is back at his special place, calling ...

Adam: "Hey, God."

God: "Yes, Adam."

Adam: "What's a headache?"

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* * * * * * * * * *
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.  Usually she slept through the class. 

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" 

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. 

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," but April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. 

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

* * * * * * * * * *



* * * * * * * * * *


Corn Corner:

(All the corny Adam and Eve items I came across were just too corny - example: What was the longest day in the Bible? The day Adam was created because there was no Eve.  So here is another themed one, probably too good to be corny. . .)

This couple was crossing the desert with a camel. The lady was pregnant and riding the camel. All of a sudden, they were stopped by an Israeli patrol.

The soldiers asked for some identification. The soldiers looked at the IDs and saw that the man was Joseph, and the lady was Mary.

So they asked the couple where they were going. They replied 'Jerusalem.'

The two soldiers looked at each other and grinned, 'Yea, and I guess your going to name the baby Jesus?'

The couple replied, ' What. We look Puerto Rican???