Monday, November 24, 2014

Monday Miscellany: Some Odds, Ends and Personals




From Byter Martin in response to my stated item that deep sea clams live to 100 years:

Crappy clam claim caught by concerned client clearly confirms cludgey copy.

Really.

Isn’t it time that you consulted google when you make outrageous claims on clams (a clam claim)

Google is your friend


250 Million years


no they are not 250 million years old


This old chestnut has been done to death, and may continue to bore your Bytes community as it has done to the scientific community.

Some simple reading…


Martin


Thomas took me to task for not mentioning one of the most famous (infamous?) instances of “Go fuck yourself” – Vice President Dick Cheney’s 2005 response to Senator. Patrick J. Leahy, the ranking Democrat on the Judiciary Committee, who had taken Cheney to task about alleged links to Halliburton Co and war profiteering. “Go Fuck Yourself” was the VP’s answer, one which was then often yelled back at Cheney, although respectfully as “Go Fuck Yourself, Mr Cheney”, by members of the public. See an instance by clicking on:


Some have suggested that Cheney will have it carved on his headstone.


Some Monday quotes:

"Life isn’t a matter of milestones, but of moments."
- Rose Kennedy

“If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”
- Martin Luther King Jnr

“Today I will do what others won't, so tomorrow I can accomplish what others can't.”
- Jerry Rice

"Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength."
- Arnold Schwarzenegger


Sunday, November 23, 2014

More Inappropriate Vintage Ads


Caution: Offensive and risqué material follows

Bytes has previously posted examples of various types of vintage advertising that would not be acceptable today – racist, sexist, ageist and just plain awful. 

In looking up some other vintage ads, I came across a host of more inappropriate ads that today would be considered wrong on many levels.

Here are some that will show how far we have come . . .

Give the child Fletcher’s Castoria laxative and Daddy won’t need to take to him with a hairbrush for refusing to take other nasty tasting laxatives.



Cigar ads are fertile ground for retro-sexism. Sometimes a cigar is not just a cigar.


Legs, breasts and cleavage – how else do you sell shoe polish?

For what it’ worth, I also hate snakes, spiders, mice, rats.

1960’s parties must have been a hoot when the life of the party was a blow up doll

What? Your wife is pregnant, has morning sickness and you’re not getting your breakfast??? Just dose her up with Mornidine and she’ll be cooking your brekkie again before you know it.

A 1950’s product for “excitement and conversation”. Your choice of Blonde, Brunette or Redhead. Or why not all 3?

Become sexy by putting on weight!! An ad from a 1937 True Romance magazine.

Was this really the best they could come up with to sell a joystick? And did it work? I believe it would have been a no on both.

Another example of how not to, in this case, sell bicycling t shirts and backpacks to females.

Marriage, 1893 style

Marriage, 1960’s style


The Delilah girdle by Warner's. After extolling that this girdle enhances what ought to be enhanced and that it leaves the rest alone, thereby appealing to men, the last line of the ad reads: “Incidentally, as you may have guessed, the people who run things at Warner’s are Men.” That hadn’t occurred to me.


Hard to tell from the 1940’s ads but Spring Mills sold fabrics.

Not sure whether the following modern ones are offensive, or witty and humorous, at least in some cases . . .







Saturday, November 22, 2014

Top Movie Quotes: Nos 80-76



Continuing the countdown of the American Film Institute’s top 100 movie lines (compiled 2005), on their own at first to enable you to see if you can identify the film and the actor speaking the line, then followed by an identification and some trivia.


The next 5 in the countdown:

80. "Yo, Adrian!"

79. Striker: "Surely you can't be serious." 
      Rumack: "I am serious...and don't call me Shirley."

78. "Open the pod bay doors please, HAL."

77. "Soylent Green is people!"

76. ”Hasta la vista, baby.”


80. "Yo, Adrian!"

Spoken by Sylvester Stallone as Rocky Balboa in Rocky (1976)

Stallone was broke with $106 in the bank and trying to sell his dog because he couldn’t afford to feed it when he was offered $350,000 for the script he had written for Rocky. His acceptance was conditional on his playing the lead, which major studios refused. They wanted Robert Redford, Ryan O’Neal, Burt Reynolds or James Caan. Eventually United Artists agreed to fund for $1m with a guarantee that if filming went over budget, Winkler and Chartoff would personally fund the extra. The film did go over budget by $100,000, Winkler and Chartoff mortgaging their homes to raise it.

Most of the iconic scenes of Rocky jogging through the streets of Philadelphia were shot without permits, without equipment and without extras. Shopkeepers filmed looking at Rocky jogging had no idea why a man was running and being filmed, although in the context of the movie they are depicted as supporters. The shot of the stall owner tossing him an orange was improvised by the stall owner. He had no idea a movie was being filmed or that he would be in it.

From IMDB:

Writer Sylvester Stallone was inspired to write the screenplay for the film after seeing the Chuck Wepner – Muhammad Ali fight on March 24, 1975 at the Richfield Coliseum outside of Cleveland in Richfield, Ohio. Thirty-six year old Wepner was considered a moderate talent, but no one thought he had a hope against Ali. Indeed, no one expected Wepner to last more than three rounds. As such, the longer the fight went on past the opening three rounds, the more shocked people became; Wepner even managed to knock Ali down in the ninth round (although Ali has always maintained that Wepner was standing on his foot when he fell). Ali immediately opened a blistering offensive in an attempt to drop Wepner and for the next six rounds, he pummeled Wepner mercilessly, breaking his nose and opening large gashes above both his eyes. No matter how hard Ali hit him however, Wepner kept moving forward and continuing to fight (it was this specific aspect of the fight which inspired Stallone). Eventually, with 19 seconds left in the fifteenth and final round, Ali scored a TKO.


79. Striker: "Surely you can't be serious." 

                        Rumack: "I am serious...and don't call me Shirley."

Spoken by Robert Hays as Ted Stryker and Leslie Nielsen as Dr Rumak in Airplane! (1980), released in Australia as Flying High

For the argument between announcers concerning the white and red zones at the airport, the producers hired the same voice artists who had made the real-world announcements at Los Angeles International Airport. At the real airport, the white zone is for loading and unloading of passengers only, and there's no stopping in the red zone (except for transit buses). They were also married to each other in real life.

For the famous scene of the 747 crashing through the large windows inside the terminal, producer Jon Davidson mentions (in the DVD extras) that after the movie, he received numerous letters from various pilots telling him that they have come very close to re-enacting that very scene in real life, with some pilots admitting that they've come so close as to touch the glass with the noses of their airplanes.

Actors such as Robert Stack, Lloyd Bridges, Peter Graves and Leslie Nielsen were cast because of their reputation for playing no-nonsense characters. Until this film, these actors had not done comedy, so their "straight-arrow" personas and line delivery made the satire in the movie all the more poignant and funny. Bridges was initially reluctant to take his role in the movie, but his sons persuaded him to do it.


78. "Open the pod bay doors please, HAL."

Spoken by Keir Dullea as Dave Bowman in 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

In the premier screening of the film, 241 people walked out of the theater, including Rock Hudson who said "Will someone tell me what the hell this is about?" Arthur C Clarke once said, "If you understand '2001' completely, we failed. We wanted to raise far more questions than we answered.”

In honor of the book and movie, NASA named a Mars orbiter: 2001 Mars Odyssey. This was not the first time NASA had a connotation with the film; the Apollo 13 command module's callsign was Odyssey during the ill-fated mission.

The movie has many instances of product placement for IBM. The most apparent are the computer panels in the space plane that docks with the space station, the forearm control panel on Dave's spacesuit, and the portable viewing screens on which Dave and Frank watch "The World Tonight." Adding one letter to HAL gives IBM but Kubrick has said that he was not aware of it and would have changed HAL’s name if he had realised.


77. "Soylent Green is people!"

Spoken by Charlton Heston as Dr Robert Thorn in Soylent Green (1973)

The word "Soylent" is a holdover from the Harry Harrison novel "Make Room! Make Room!" upon which this film is based. In the novel, the word is supposed to suggest soybeans and lentils.

A small, green spirulina-based cracker called "Soylent Green" (officially licensed by MGM) was released in July, 2011. The box does not use any images or characters from the film, but rather attempts (humorously) to be an actual product. The ingredients list does not list "people."


Soylent Green is a running gag that has appeared in some Simpsons episodes set in the future. In one such episode, there is a sign in the Kwik E Mart stating that Soylent Green now has 30% more girls:



76. ”Hasta la vista, baby.”

Spoken by Artnold Schwarzenegger as The Terminator in Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)

Given Arnold Schwarzenegger’s $15-million salary and his total of 700 words of dialog, he was paid $21,429 per word. "Hasta la vista, baby" cost $85,716.

Sarah Connor’s opening narration:

Three billion human lives ended on August 29th, 1997. The survivors of the nuclear fire called the war Judgment Day. They lived only to face a new nightmare: the war against the machines. The computer which controlled the machines, Skynet, sent two Terminators back through time. Their mission: to destroy the leader of the human resistance, John Connor, my son. The first Terminator was programmed to strike at me in the year 1984, before John was born. It failed. The second was set to strike at John himself when he was still a child. As before, the resistance was able to send a lone warrior, a protector for John. It was just a question of which one of them would reach him first.


The world famous phrase "Hasta la Vista, Baby" is translated to "Sayonara, Baby" in the Spanish version of the film, to preserve the humorous nature.



Friday, November 21, 2014

Funny Friday



The fact that I spent time with an Irish client yesterday and told him my favourite Irish joke inspired the selection of Irish humour as today's Funny Friday theme. My favourite Irish joke is included below but it is a repeat, having previously been posted on Bytes.

By the way, the pic above is a movie still from the wonderful 1959 Disney flick Darby O'Gill and the Little People. The main romantic lead in that film was none other than a young Sean Connery in one of his early, pre-James Bond films:



Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.


An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question? "Who told you that?" asked Paddy.




Female Irish customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?" Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."


"Your glass is empty O'Flaherty, will you be having another?"
"And why would I be wanting two empty glasses?" replied O'Flaherty.


Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantle piece?" "No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time."


Finnegan: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it. 

Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time? 

Finnegan: Waitin' for me to come home.




On his way home one night, Paddy dropped into the pub.The barman poured him a beer and asked if he wanted to be in a raffle.

"What's it for?" asked Paddy. 

"It's for a poor widow with 13 kids" said the barman.

Paddy shook his head, "No good for me. I'd never be able to keep them."


Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. "Quick!" He said. "Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!" "Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked. "No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."




On the occasion of his 20th wedding anniversary, Daniel Patrick is in the pub celebrating with his mates. He lifts a glass and toasts his marriage: "Here's to the best years o' me life, spent between the legs o' me wife." All the mates cheer and applaud this fine and noble sentiment, and raise another glass or two (or three, or four). Back home, Daniel tells his wife about the ovation he received, but since he knows she won't approve the language, changes it to: "Here's to the best years o' me life, spent in church beside me wife." A few days later, the Mrs. meets one of the mates who had cheered Daniel in the pub. The toast is mentioned. "Oh, you heard? says the mate. "Yes, indeed," she says. "Twas a fine, fine toast," the mate says. "Indeed it was," says the Mrs., "even if it happened only twice these twenty years, and the second time he fell asleep before it was over."




And finally, my favourite:

"My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.

"I got in a tiff with Riley."

"Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said surprised.

"He must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was."

"Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?"

"Aye, that I did--Mrs. Riley's left breast." Kelly said. "And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight!"



Corn Corner:

Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.
Paddy says, "Are you on foot or in the car?"
Billy says, "In the car."
Paddy says, "That's the quickest way."